11 Feb 2007: Safely and Happily Home

From halfway around the world, over 28 hours from 4:30 a.m. wake-up call to touchdown in Boston at 7:00 p.m., we journeyed home with AiLi. Thanks to the vagaries of time zones, we departed China on Wednesday, February 7 and arrived back in North America on the same day. Considering the distance, her age and experience, AiLi did extremely well, awake most of the time but not disturbing any other passengers. Her sleepy mother spent the lion’s share of the trip with her daughter, with occasional respite care by Daddy Ira, Auntie Susan and Great Cousin Marilyn. (No upgrade this time, unfortunately, and we were seated in various locations around the plane.) By Chicago, our entry point to the U.S., we were all suffering from frayed nerves, exhaustion, cramped muscles and too many line-ups, but the voyage was relatively smooth with no airline delays, thankfully.

We were thrilled to be greeted at Logan by a surprise delegation of the Driscoll family: Karen’s brother Sean and his wife Joan, with daughters Siobhan (3) and Nora (1); and Karen’s brother Fran, who had just flown in from D.C. We were caught unprepared and so have no photos of this wonderful welcoming committee with their beautiful hand-made signs, smiling faces and warm, enthusiastic hugs. They also brought gifts and food, and made our arrival a true celebration. Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness!!!!

As we have been getting over our jet lag these past three or four days, AiLi continues to thrive. She has had her first visit to the pediatrician, Dr. Whitman, who has diagnosed her to be in fine form and likely to make rapid progress both in terms of her growth and intellectual development. She is smiling a lot, imitating sounds, gestures and facial expressions with enthusiasm, learning to play with her toys and sleep in her own room. Her particular favorite is the toy piano, which provides ample opportunity for banging on the keys while producing beautiful music. (This was one of Daddy’s best finds at the exchange area of the Wayland dump, batteries included.)

Cousin Marilyn and Auntie Susan both left on Thursday, sorry to say good-bye to AiLi and feeling so lucky to have been included in this miraculous and uplifting experience. Like all of you, we will watch AiLi’s development with interest and affection, and hope that the opportunities to get together come often and come soon.

We love you, AiLi! Thanks for blessing our lives with your sweet presence. As Charles Dickens said, “It is no small thing to be loved by one so fresh from God.”

Auntie Susan

6 Feb 2007: Homeward Bound!

Our last day in Guangzhou and China has dawned. It has been an incredible and exhilerating journey, first and foremost because of the addition of AiLi to our family, but also because of the amazing opportunity we’ve had to experience three fascinating areas of this vast, energized and exciting country.

Since arriving in Guangzhou late Friday evening, AiLi has been blessed by a monk at the Temple of the Six Banyans; we’ve taken a sunset dinner cruise on the Pearl River, the buildings on the shore lit with spectacular brilliance; heard Chinese opera sung under the bridge leading to the hotel, with accompaniment by traditional instruments; and shopped till we dropped at the Pearl Market and area stores and street stalls, of which there are thousands, if not millions.

Most important, all of AiLi’s US visa processing has been completed. She will become an official American citizen as soon as she passes through Immigration and Customs in Chicago at 11:44 a.m. Central Time on Wednesday, February 7.

Though we leave China with some regret and a firm intention to return, we are all looking forward to getting home, sharing our pictures, observations and memories with all of you, and, most important, introducing you to our darling AiLi, who is everyday growing, blossoming and becoming Ira and Karen’s daughter.

Auntie Susan

It’s not about me anymore.

It is a most humbling experience, to say the least, to be led into a room and handed a child who will be totally dependent upon you for the next few decades. To witness the anguish in the childs face as she sees the nanny who has taken care of her for the past 18 months give her a last hug and kiss, walk out the door and vanish from her life forever.

She may never remember this happening to her, but the image will be with me for the rest of my life.

This blog was started to give AiLi a record, and share with our friends and family, our experience of her adoption and travel back to the place I hope she will accept as her home. I want it to also convey the love many people have shown for her and all of the children who are searching for happy endings. It is meant to give her a small picture of the world she came from and perhaps encourage her to return with a curiosity for what, by then, it has become.

For Karen and I this will truly be the trip of a life time, more challenging, rewarding and life changing than any dive trip!

We have already begun to experience the rewards of knowing AiLi, witnessing her personality blooming over the past week, her recognition of us as people she knows and not anymore as strangers.

And, her smiling and laughing, more and more and more.

As I begin to get anxious to return home and get back to familiar patterns and daily routines, it’s obvious to me that those things have forever been changed.
For Aili those daily routines and patterns have also been changed forever.

She is no longer an orphaned little girl with no home.

Papa Ira

Spicy girl!

Rose “the best guide in all of China” has given AiLi the nickname of spicy girl. Half named for the cuisine from her native province and half for her spicy personality. Nowhere was this more evident than the plane ride from Hefei to Changzhou. She was about as loud and shrill as any unhappy child I have heard on a plane. We started off fine enough with her sitting quietly in her seat playing with the boarding passes but when I had to hold her on my lap for take-off, she started wailing and prety much kept at it for the entire flight. The doctor we are traveling with thinks she was suffering from gas. I think she was being kind. She gave her some medicine which did help a bit. Thankfully having witnessed Nora’s discomfort with her bouts of colic and reflux, I’ve had some experience with greatly distressed babies. I’m hoping we have an easier time of it on the flight home.

Every day is a day of discovery for us all. She has progressed from spoons to sugar packets to promotional flyers as her favorite toys. She loves to hold things, feel their texture and pass them from hand to hand. It can entertain her for hours! If she doesn’t like something she has no problem letting us know. We’ve got the fake cry down pat and just laugh at her when she tries it out on us now. If someone is looking at her and she doesn’t like it, boy, does she give them a look. She gives it to Mommy every once in a while as well but never Daddy. She’s smiling more and more every day and Daddy can even get an occasional belly laugh out of her. Her walking is improving as well. She takes a few steps unaided now and then but is still pretty fearful of falling down so she doesn’t try too hard. It’s been a week of firsts. We took in our first outdoor concert today at the riverside park next to our hotel in Guangzhou. We had our first poopy diaper, first steps, first laugh, first tubby (first fart in the tub as well, which she didn’t quite understand), first bus ride, plane ride and walk in a stroller. Her world has turned upside down and she is taking it all in stride. She is also becoming verbal. Yesterday when we put her in her crib for a nap, instead of falling off to sleep, she played (with her promotional flyer), talked to herself and overall had a great time of it.

As a group we have been very lucky. All the babies are doing great and everyone is healthy. And yes Joan, small world….18 month year old Hannah Autrey is in our group. The Autrey’s are from Hingham and an incredibly nice family. They are traveling with their three boys; a set of 11 year old twins and a 13 year old. The boys are so sweet with all the babies, 11 year old Nick is especially enamored with AiLi. They are the family that traveled with us to Huainan and are in the picture where we are all seated in the farmers courtyard.

We continue to be quite the center of attention wherever we go and have not yet been admonished by the clothing police…..little old chinese ladies that will walk right up and yell at you if your babies are not bundled up. The Autrey’s are like a traveling circus. In a country that values boys over girls and only allows one child per family, you can imagine the stares they get with three boys and one little Chinese girl. People will walk right up to us to get a close look at AiLi and then we get either a thumbs up (universal meaning) or heads nodding (universal meaning) or big smiles (universal meaning). We have also found that those Chinese that know a little English will walk right up to us and engage in conversation. We think they like to do that to test how good their English is. Surprisingly, speaking English is very important. When we were visiting the village outside of Huainan, one of the older men told us through Rose, that they were very proud that their grandchild was learning English in school. Sadly in most of these villages the parents travel to the cities to earn a living leaving their children in the villages with their grandparents.

For the most part everyone here is appreciative of what we are doing for the lost girls of China, what they don’t quite understand is that we are the lucky ones.



Karen

3 Feb 2007: Adventures on the Road

What an eventful couple of days it’s been since our last entry!

On Thursday, Feb. 1, we took our trip to Huai’nan, a city of about 2 million people some 50 miles north of Hefei. At the gate of the Social Welfare Institute in Huai’nan is where AiLi was abandoned, but it’s quite likely that she was actually born in in one of the outlying rural areas that surround the city. Our trip on a provincial highway through the countryside to Huai’nan was fascinating, a melange of buses, trucks, luxury cars, farmers’ carts, pedestrians and bicyclists, passing left, right and center. We passed through a number of major villages, all with open air markets. In one, hot house strawberries were the major crop and both sides of the highway were lined with attractive young women selling baskets of berries.

Huai’nan is a coal mining center and the place where tofu was “invented.” It is an old city, with a history dating back to 1050 A.D. We stopped at the monument to its founder and strolled through a farmers’ market where we attracted much more attention than the produce and the wares for sale. From live fish swimming in oxygenated pails to pigs’ tails and live rabbits and chickens, the market was a fascinating glimpse into the daily lives of Chinese people who live outside the westernized centers.

We had a sumptuous lunch at a local restaurant, which cost us less than $30 US for 13 people (bus driver and our guide Rose included) and then headed back toward Hefei, a two-hour journey on the rutted provincial road. Then, the most amazing thing happened.

Assuring us that it was normal custom in China, Rose directed the bus driver to pull over at a small farming settlement. (There was nothing pre-arranged about this. Rose had never been to Huai’nan in her life.) Ten Caucasians, two Chinese babies, and Rose trudged down the rutted dirt road to the village. As we approached, a man plowing the field with his ox and calf greeted us. Soon, others came out of their homes and, after a bit of discussion, we were invited into several houses—simple two or three room dwellings, with stone and concrete floors, no central heat or bathrooms, modest furniture, perhaps a picture or two, with a place for the farm animals to sleep inside and help to provide warmth. The residents were very proud to show us their homes and, as they became more familiar, seemed to compete over whose house we would see next. What a rare opportunity! We all agreed, next to the adoption of our children, this visit was the highlight of the trip.

Incidentally, the photos you see here and throughout the blog are the work of several photographers—Ira, Marilyn and me. All composed and posted by Ira from the laptop. I’ve been given too much credit, though I certainly have enjoyed it.

Next day, our last in Hefei, the families completed the paperwork that is required for the adoptees to immigrate to the US. About 4:30 that afternoon, we headed for the airport to catch our flight to Guangzhou, the last stop before we wend our way home next week. This was, of course, the babies’ first-ever plane trip and some handled it with more equanimity than others. AiLi seemed quite uncomfortable and complained a lot. We hope we can make her more comfortable when we embark on the 14-hour flight from Hong Kong to Chicago (for our sakes as well as hers).

In Quangzhou, we were greeted by our local guide, Connie, and checked into the White Swan Hotel, the place where all the adoptive families from the US end up. It is a very sophisticated city with a long history of commerce and international relations. With temperatures in the mid-to-high seventies, it is a welcome respite from the winter weather we will face upon our return home. As of this morning, AiLi and the other children have all had their US visa photos taken and their medical exams completed. Final processing will take place on Monday when the US consulate reviews all the documents and issues her visa. In the meantime, we will visit the pearl market, go to a Buddhist temple for a special blessing of the babies and take a cruise on the Pearl River, which flows behind our hotel.

AiLi’s walking improves daily and she’s started to make noises that, to hopeful parents’ ears, sound a lot like “Dada”, “Mama” and “Baba”, which is Chinese for father. She keeps us constantly entertained and grows more beloved with each passing hour.

Auntie Susan

The Transformation

What an incredible two days. To see the transformation of Huai Qing Luang to little AiLi is just amazing. Two days ago she left the orphanage for the first time in 19 months. They dressed her (and the other four little girls from the same orphanage) in matching red outfits for the two hour bus drive to Hefei. It was her first car or bus ride. Her nanny brings her into a room filled with people who don’t look like her, talking in languages she’s never heard and while whispering soothingly into her ear, hands her to me. Understandedly she is afraid and cries and tries desperately to keep her nanny in sight. She really cries when the nanny slips away and won’t make eye contact with either of us. She cried herself to sleep in Daddy’s arms on the way back to the hotel. It was there that the transformation began. She was comfortable right away with Ira.. It took a little longer with me, then Susan was allowed into her circle and finally Marilyn. It is very obvious that she has spent most of her time in her crib as she is transfixed by her hands and has a sad, low monotonous kind of moaning cry that breaks your heart. She has little interest in the toys we brought so although the orphanage information indicated she liked to play with dolls and toys, it’s clear this was not the case. She doesn’t know how to play yet. I gave her two of the little demitasse coffee spoons that were in the room and she hasn’t let go of them since. She even sleeps with them! She’s trying to clang them together like Daddy does but can’t quite get that together yet. She is super alert and takes in everything with her eyes. She’ll try anything once. Even a goldfish that she almost choked on because mommy didn’t know she hadn’t yet learned to chew. Another first was being spoon fed. 19 months old and everything she ate was still coming through bottles. We started with rice cereal which of course she is familiar with and then introduced prunes and bananas. She eats really well and God forbid you take it away before it’s all gone. She loves her tub as you could tell from the pictures and pretty much loves any physical contact including getting dressed and diaper changes. Developmentally she is all over the map. Motor skills wise she’s probably only at 7 months or so but yet she is almost walking, in fact walking with us holding her fingers is her favorite physical activity. She also enjoys taking walks in her stroller. Everything she sees is new to her and she quietly takes it all in. She pays attention to the Baby Einstein videos and is starting to focus a little on the pictures in the books when I read to her. She laughed out loud today and it was the greatest sound in the world. All in all she’s quickly coming into her own and has come so far in just two days. Needless to say we are thrilled beyond belief and we never imagined the joy we would feel from our parenting experiences.

Karen, the new nanny (just joking)

31 Jan 2007: Wrapped around her little finger

Our daily lives now rotate completely around AiLi’s schedule: four adults all dancing attendance on her every whim. Though it’s only been 48 hours since she joined the family, AiLi already has a pretty good idea of what power she wields.

The photos we posted yesterday are a compilation from Monday and Tuesday—AiLi and her nanny as she arrived at the Civil Affairs Office; AiLi in the special outfit made by Auntie Susan; Ira and Karen swearing to the notary public that they will love and care for AiLi forever; Karen interviewing, with the help of our guide Rose, the director of the orphanage; AiLi in her Michelin Man snowsuit walking with Auntie Susan and Great Cousin Marilyn (or is it First Cousin Once Removed?); AiLi eating prunes (the less said about that, the better); AiLi being footprinted as part of the official process.

Yesterday’s trip to the Civil Affairs Office completed the Chinese requirements. The notary gave each family their “Red Book” confirming the adoption is complete and legal. She made a lovely speech about China’s gratitude for the parents’ love and kindness, and stated all the families were now related to the Chinese people, welcome to return at any time.

We all took a stroll yesterday afternoon down a nearby pedestrian promenade, attracting much attention as we went. We were, first of all, among the very few Caucasians in eveidence around this city and, more important, had a Chinese baby in the carriage. Most people we passed were smiling; a number made a special effort to come over and have a look. It’s an interesting (and instructive) experience to be so visibly in the minority.

AiLi has been sleeping well and after a relaxing bath in the big tub and a second restful night (Tuesday/Wednesday), we took her up to the dining room for breakfast in "polite company". Many of the other children were also present. AiLi was very well behaved and eager to eat her steamed egg and yogurt. We then bundled up for a group outing to the Bao Temple, a memorial to one of China’s most revered judges (10th century) and one of Hefei’s major historical sites. While there, we followed tradition, lighting three sticks of incense and making three wishes for AiLi: happiness, long life, and loving relationships and good health. (Okay, four wishes. Ira couldn’t limit himself.)

Tomorrow some of us plan a trip to Huai’nan, the town where AiLi and several of the other orphans were found. Our guide Rose had to get permission to visit this area, about a two-hour drive to the west. We will not be allowed even to drive by the orphanage there, but at least we'll get to see what we believe to be AiLi’s birthplace.

We love your comments on this blog; please keep those cards and letters coming!
(Incidentally, if you click on the photos, they will appear larger than life.)

Auntie Susan

Photos Only

29 Jan 2007: AiLi is “born”!

The long awaited day has arrived and AiLi, as of 10 a.m. this morning, has been in Ira and Karen’s arms! Joanna Weinstock, the doctor accompanying our group, has examined their lovely daughter, my sweet niece, and has proclaimed her perfectly healthy.

We arrived in Hefei (pronounced her-fay), capital city of Anhui province, about 600 miles south of Beijing, yesterday afternoon. Hefei is one of China’s “smaller” cities with a mere 4.46 million inhabitants. From the little we’ve seen, it seems to be in a state between demolition and development, without Beijing’s urgent rebuilding deadline of the 2008 Olympic games. Many construction sites stand idle in what appears to be a primarily industrial city. But we understand that Hefei is ringed with parks and look forward to some family outings over the few days.

This morning we went to the Civil Affairs Office, a short 10-minute drive from the hotel, where the anxious expectant parents were to be united with their daughters. The office was just short of pandemonium, with a group of families from Quebec and a group from Australia crowded with us into the small Adoption Registration Room to receive their babies. Not long after we arrived, the various orphanages’ staff began to bring the babies to their families. Huai Qing Liang (AiLi’s Chinese name, loosely interpreted with the help of our guide as “ample celebration”) was among the first to be “delivered” to our group.

Ah, the miracle of birth, even at 18+ months! There are no words to describe completely what took place: the boundless joy of the parents and family members, the sadness of the nannies who have cared for these babies, the fearful sobbing and wailing of the children who are as yet unaware of the wonderful lives they are now beginning. As the saying goes, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house.

AiLi cried quietly, then dozed, while we spent an hour or so at the office. There was a small amount of paperwork, an opportunity to ask questions of the orphanage director (What was her nickname? Can she climb? What does she like to eat?), admire each others’ daughters, and present gifts to the officials. There were enough cameras and video-recorders to support a major news conference.

AiLi has taken a real shine to her “baba” Ira. (Dogs and babies, he has a way with them both.) Could it be due to his fatherly declaration that she was the most beautiful baby among all those adopted today?

Now it is afternoon, back at the hotel. AiLi has had her first bottle. After some sporadic crying, she’s shown us she can walk, and smile and play. It’s four hours into her new life and she seems truly content. She’s lying in her crib and we’re watching her fall, somewhat reluctantly, asleep. After all, there’s so much to learn and do and see. A tremendous adventure awaits.


Auntie Susan